Posts under ‘2009’

Today, on the steps of the Minnesota State Capitol, US Senator Al Franken held a press conference to declare his intention to seek a second term as Minnesota’s junior Senator. Sen. Franken spent his entire first term in a lengthy court battle with The Party of “No”. With his wife Fran at his side, he addressed a large crowd of press, supporters and curious onlookers who seemed surprised to learn that Minnesota actually has two US Senators.

My ‘day job’ has me traveling today. I am in rural MA, but I could be anywhere. Looking at this hotel and the surrounding…um…civilisation, I am actually nowhere. That has nothing to do with the city, though. It has everything to do with the effect this economy is having on the people.

It’s time for our First Annual National Gadfly New Year’s Predictions.  I use a scientific formula based on several factor including (but not limited to):

• Whatever my daughter is watching on TV as I type
• Things overheard on public buses
• The advice of a recently exiled dictator from central Asia
• Betting against my gut instincts
• Playing mumblety-peg with 3 Gypsies
• Dice
• Coin-toss

Unlike many other well known annual prognostications, my formula is the only set of predictions that are board certified and 100% guaranteed by the Bank of Iceland, up to $100,000, payable in credit default swaps upon demand. 

• Larry Craig signs a lucrative endorsement contract with a company that manufactures bathroom stalls and air powered hand dryers.
• The Detroit Lions win an exhibition 12" softball game against the Detroit Tigers.
• The GOP schedule a press conference on global leadership and nobody attends.  Not even their own staff.
• The Department of Homeland Security and the Transportation Safety Administration move their offices into abandoned, toxic trailers purchased for victims of Hurricane Katrina.
• We actually find out where all the taxpayer money was spent on Defense during the Bush/Cheney fire sale on liberty.
• Dick Cheney shoots someone.  Unfortunately, it is not himself.
• The terms "free market" and "deregulation" are listed by Webster’s New Collegiate Dictionary as synonyms for bovine waste.
• Bill Clinton agrees to appear in an exclusive interview with Charlie Gibson to refute any claims made about him during the primary races.
• Eliot Spitzer does nothing interesting at all, but is photographed with Demi Moore.
• Whoopi Goldberg punches Elizabeth Hasselhoff in the face.
• James Dobson is arrested in a child pornography sting operation by Interpol.
• Amelia Earhardt’s plane is found in Michael Jackson’s apartment.  Her lingerie is missing.

Please feel free to add your own prognostications to this site and the Bank of Iceland will cover you as well.

- gadfly