Posts Tagged ‘Snark’

Fresh off their victory to funnel unnamed corporate money into misleading, dishonest, deceitful and vile language advertising disguised as political campaign advertising, Citizens United announced the creation of their new spot. Tentatively titled, “Obama wants to fuck your mother“, the spot will feature images of the President of the United States in a gang bang of white women with their horrified children and husbands being forced to watch.

BURBANK: Information is beginning to emerge from the inside the The Walt Disney Company, that the entertainment and media giant is preparing to announce a national health plan for everyone in the U.S.

CEO Robert “Bob” Iger has scheduled a press conference for this Thursday,two hours before President Barack Obama‘s address to the joint chambers of Congress. With rumors swirling of The White House taking up a draft of its own health care plan, this move is clearly designed to beat the President to the punch and gain the initiative.

Today, on the steps of the Minnesota State Capitol, US Senator Al Franken held a press conference to declare his intention to seek a second term as Minnesota’s junior Senator. Sen. Franken spent his entire first term in a lengthy court battle with The Party of “No”. With his wife Fran at his side, he addressed a large crowd of press, supporters and curious onlookers who seemed surprised to learn that Minnesota actually has two US Senators.

I’ve got a few things to get off my chest, in no particular order. I was reading my favorite new blogger VaginaDrum. She has a weekly wrap-up of likes entitled Shit I Like Sunday. Wouldn’t you know it though, my old, crabby ass is taking it in another direction. This also seems to be a great way to clean out all the posts I’ve started and not finished this week.

(Image courtesy of Wikipedia)

On December 22, 2001 this man changed the world. He assaulted an airplane with his shoe. Ever since that day and every day since, anyone who travels by airplane can count on long security lines with no shoes on. It was a breakthrough move, both in choice of weapons and the sheer number of people effected. Mr. Reid took a size 15 Air Jordan from the discount rack at Nine West onto the pages of Jane’s Weapons Index. His invention generated hundreds of millions of dollars in security revenue worldwide, legislation in thousands of national and local governments and a name brand recognition that is truly global. Unlike other Intellectual Property (IP) pioneers who are rewarded with lucrative IPO’s and multi-million dollar contracts, Mr. Reid sits in a jail cell, alone.

"The only good union is a dead union!" Osama bin Laden stated in prepared remarks today.

DATELINE MUSCAT, OMAN: Another shocking revelation of anti-Union plotting and scheming today, but this time it was not CEO’s of TARP Bailout recipient banks.  The attendees?  Senior Al Qaeda management, including Osama bin Laden, Ayman al-Zawahiri and over two dozen more senior managers.  It marked a historic first time for so many senior managers from Al Qaeda to be in one place at the same time. Under normal circumstances and for security reasons, Al Qaeda leaders are not allowed within 50 miles of each other but desperate times call for desperate measures.

DATELINE WAZIRISTAN:

In a rare public appearance, Al Qaeda CEO Osama bin Laden challenged President-Elect of the United States, Barack Hussein Obama to a basketball game between only the two of them.  In a hastily called press conference near the ibn-Fazal Notouri public square, Mr. bin Laden addressed a pool of war correspondents and two beat reporters from the Green Bay Packers’ Radio Network.  Although bin Laden and the rest of the al Qaeda management team are known for unorthodox tactics, this move has turned more than a few heads.

In prepared remarks, Mr. bin Laden had little good to say about Mr. Obama.

With the way things are going for them, the GOP brain trust must feel like Roy Scheider, in Jaws.